My stepfather died today.
At 2pm. I found out an hour ago.
I'm so churned up with feelings. Ralph was so good to us for so many years and we had a lot of good times. He also helped Mom to get us through some bad ones.
But after we lost her, and he believed his one daughter that I stole things, lied and... it doesn't matter. We settled things after awhile, but it was strained after that. In time that eased a bit; we'd see each other at family things or I'd be with my sister Cathi. But it wasn't the same. I didn't just go over there like I used to or call. And when I saw him or his kids, it was about how they lost Mom, how they were affected, never words for how was I and my family doing.
When he went into the hospital, I went with my sisters to see him. I prepared to see him ill, but I didn't expect how his face lit with joy when he saw me, the tear in his eye, the way he gripped my hand, never wanting to let me go.
I saw him several times in the hospital, always holding his hand, and when he was awake, making sure he heard me say I love him, that we all did, and that I knew he loved me and everyone in the family. And I'd kiss him when I left.
So now I hurt that he's gone, hurt for the good days we had, guilt that I didn't go to him when things were strained and fix that, and glad that I saw him to hold his hand, see him happy when he saw me.
I was going to scan the pictures of the two of us from my wedding, but the guilt is too much.
Goodbye, Ralph. I'm sorry.
I'm so churned up with feelings. Ralph was so good to us for so many years and we had a lot of good times. He also helped Mom to get us through some bad ones.
But after we lost her, and he believed his one daughter that I stole things, lied and... it doesn't matter. We settled things after awhile, but it was strained after that. In time that eased a bit; we'd see each other at family things or I'd be with my sister Cathi. But it wasn't the same. I didn't just go over there like I used to or call. And when I saw him or his kids, it was about how they lost Mom, how they were affected, never words for how was I and my family doing.
When he went into the hospital, I went with my sisters to see him. I prepared to see him ill, but I didn't expect how his face lit with joy when he saw me, the tear in his eye, the way he gripped my hand, never wanting to let me go.
I saw him several times in the hospital, always holding his hand, and when he was awake, making sure he heard me say I love him, that we all did, and that I knew he loved me and everyone in the family. And I'd kiss him when I left.
So now I hurt that he's gone, hurt for the good days we had, guilt that I didn't go to him when things were strained and fix that, and glad that I saw him to hold his hand, see him happy when he saw me.
I was going to scan the pictures of the two of us from my wedding, but the guilt is too much.
Goodbye, Ralph. I'm sorry.
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