I realized something: I don't have a best friend anymore. Yes, it's obvious in one way. Suzanne died. My best friend died and I miss her horribly. I miss her for herself and for our relationship.
But I also have no one else, not a best friend, not a close friend even. I lost other friends too. Plus people like my husband and my sister Cathi have their own best friends - which is great -- but that relationship is reserved with them.
So it makes the loneliness from Suzanne worse.